Don't mind. The art of lampooning or lambasting oneself is my natural talent! This essay, I'm willing to say, is an intimate, enthralling self-deprecation and bull confessional. Don't be too serious Never! In the golden years of my young age, I was in the midst of my own thoughts (at the very least, nutty! ) and mind waves (wildly quick-circuited! ) as well as first impression Polaroids (pitifully sad!). I believed that these were tried and tested and that by using these seemingly useful tools I could make my life worthwhile and incredibly interesting. However, life, speaking in a playful manner, pulled a quick one on me. As the year progressed and life unravelled I realized with astonishment that I was probably off from the beginning. To make matters worse, the lack of evidence and the absence of role models from the past only exacerbated my existential anxiety that was forced to plow through the inaccessible noodles and doodles. In the present, no matter what I think about my personal life, I continue to chase the dream and will pursue it until I pass away. This is the spirit, you think? It seems so. We're on the same page. In a way, my urban-bred life has not turned out to be the way I imagined it would be; instead it's more incredibly individualistic, unflinching and straight and exam preparation tutorial generally less romantic . Is this happening for the first time since my marriage exuberance? Tell me that you do not have an notion. Timeis a constant force that is a burden; it requires its share of the flesh, and I've come to realize in the last few years that being constantly romantic doesn't allow enough time to enjoy seriously creative pursuits like, for instance, writing, reading or romanticizing the past. Therefore, I decided to be a sporadic sober romantic and not a perpetually romantic. I could be completely mistaken on this thought process however but that's what I am currently placing my faith in. An intermittent romantic? Whatever. Please let me know if these thoughts are a collection of bizarre thoughts about what's going on with me right now and could be due to this condition my life is deteriorating? What is the cause, if any that I must know? Did I leap forward in time and turned into an older man with an CBD content unproductive mission to obscure my romantic family tree that everyone has always known me by , and thus the existential angst that is an unforgiving consequence of this? It could be a valid speculation, it's true. However, I'm not able to say the truth of it. trying to disguise myself as someone who's barely out of the playpen to attempt to engage attractive girls in a pre-coitus flurry. Nah! I don't believe so. I'm not interested in this naughty fling, and I never really have. I am now an occasional romantic, don't you think? I'm not a permanent ECAs ('extracurricular things') for me, please. I am making this whole thing to see how funny or serious it could get. In fact, a while ago I gave everyone a fair chance to earn money in the 'Heights and Styles department, and I am proud to boast that I can still provide a great rabbit-race for people! I'm not the type of person who is accustomed to praising oneself however, I would like you to imagine this: women were always praising me constantly because I was an imposingly tall and beautiful and a show-stopper in a way and that they believe I was sculpted by Michelangelo himself. Girls yelled at me, people would are thrown into the air looking at me and they would click my pictures and praised me from my aquiline nose all the way to my lovely toenails! I was awed by the attention, but it started to be a bit overwhelming to handle all the attention and admiration I received. Absolutely, I enjoyed thanking them for their kind words by making phrases like "thank you, say it once more!" with my strawberry-like lips and simply go about my day with an energy in my step I am so happy that I have arrived! As with many things in life, beauty can be rare, but my particular beautiful pulchritudinous beauty isn't an amount. Be assured, dear I've not laughed for a long time! In the current 'like'-driven world of Facekindle, Oblitteratti or Junkedin it is easy to get lost in the tidal wave of the constant sneering of instant trolls, and the other self-destructive, horrifying things that intersperse the fantastical with the everyday, the absurd and the frighteningly insane, and so on, as if there is nothing unusual to be concerned about. It is evident that this has the potential to be a bit boring for people of the old school like me , whose main adherence to peace, love and happiness is regarded as a virtue by the world of a vile and twisted one that, against the murky background of riots in the race, fascism and a paranoiac sense of dread and fear and fear, proved to be a chaotic and violent and shows no signs of slowing down anytime soon. This is what life has turned into to be: a toxic mess. Unfortunately the days of energizing happiness are gone and we'll never see them again and the irony of this general deterioration is that there's no use to be awe-inspiringly handsome with only a the cost of a bus ticket to get back and not an BMW within an environment that's boiling with protests and violent protests of all kinds. In essence, I'm done fixing the temperamental cats and all that smells sweet and boyish pheromones. It's not like I'm George Clooney to say as many things, but I am attractive enough to not allow anyone to fool me and walk away unharmed. I'm not finished with this subject, but I must stop blaming in this direction. Before you smack me take a look at the following: Elvis has left the building! Life: Not For Pussies This leads me to the reality of why Life isn't a fair fame and fortune thing, and the reason why many things such as misfortune, twists of fate, destiny or kismet happen quickly and is it that I am forced to play the victim to keep my perfectly sandwiched buttocks from rubbing against the political squabbles that is a mix of Haves as well as Have-Nots. I am wondering if this is the reason why existential angst is so about, even though it could be a natural reaction to the imagined suffering and loss that doesn't stop or at least we hope it will one day. I don't think I should to leap into unexpected conclusions right now and I'll just ramble for a bit while I'm at it being swept away by an avalanche of impulsive feelings that cause anxiety and the vapidity of this naive writing that is cathartic It's a good thing! There is plenty of wind in the sails of one's mind to take it further. Therefore, come with me. Well, I'm from one of the regions in the south of the Deccan Plateau of the peninsular region of India with huge rocks, distinctive rock formations and rugged hills, slopes and slants adorn the cityscape that I believe frequently signifies heartbreak and being technically trapped between the rock and the hard place sort of thing. I'm still young, maybe however, I've had enough time for a while to be aware of such an elusive thing. Aged 45+ certainly doesn't appear to be an age group that is considered to be juvenile and, therefore, I'm claiming to know these things. Take a bite of this. Following college, I found that my path was pointing towards South. I was tempted to move eastwards but it wasn't to be. Perhaps, I was slightly off the mark from the start and in the whirlwind of life's events I missed the bull's eye with the largest margin that I could think of in not doing anything important to help my medical goal being realized. I, therefore, stumbled on the altar of my dream, eager to take it further, but not able to. Now for what reasons do I feel so much of existential predicament/dread/crisis in this long-forgotten matter? It will end in the end, surely? This is a huge question, and therefore this blog is to address it in a satisfactory manner and bring closure. If data is the new oil, I'm after it. It is no wonder that I am in the age of knowledge-based talent in Information Technology (IT) and people like me are routinely disregarded as " techies" or " geeks" and are not considered to be more gifted or even not to the least degree!